Neighborhood reader Jeremy submitted some street poetry he spotted at Central and Fulton:

“UNIMPRESSED
W/ THIS PARKING
JOB
Share the Street Douchebag!”

It’s kind of lovely, really. Like Gertrude Stein for the San Francisco Bicycle Coalition. Bonus authenticity points for looking like it got run over a few times already.

Add this one to the long list of things that makes San Francisco SUPER COOL and AWESOMELY PRETENTIOUS at the same time. Paolo over on Inside Scoop points us to an article on the front cover of today’s Datebook about our favorite place to eat locally-sourced rabbit legs and wait for Sean Penn to grace us with his presence.

We can’t read the article at the moment because the Chron has embargoed the Internet as if we were some kind of communist island nation and no one has left a print copy on the bus for us to find just yet, but Paolo lets us know that the Nopa staff “completes the circle” by trucking out to the farms and wineries where they source their goods and then later bringing those vendors in for a monthly lunch.

If you ask us (you didn’t!) it’s a nice way to keep the locavore concept grounded in reality instead of just copping the label for PR purposes, but mostly I’m just surprised I made it through this post without one circle jerk joke.

Photo via: Inside Scoop

Brilliant, no one in the bike lane except the SUV who is presumably just trying to hang a left. But hang on…

OK, cars weren’t exactly spilling out into the bike lane just yet at the 76 across the street, but if another horseless carriage or two pulls up for some petrol then the 24-Divisadero is going to be clipping bumpers as it crosses Fell street. Then the bike lane is really gonna be fucked. Just sayin’!

The June/July gloom has been keeping us down a little bit here at Aggressive Panhandler HQ (a tent in the panhandle, you’ll recall), but August has so far turned out pretty sunny, so naturally we’re thinking about the best places to drink beers outside. Aforementioned malaise has kept us from following any recent Bay to Breakers developments but the word on the street is that the authorities SFPD will practicing exactly zero of their world famous tolerance when it comes to booze. (Nudity, on the other hand, is apparently OK. Floats are also out.)

On a related note, our tent must be currently be parked within 500 feet of Mojo because we just received a notice from the ABC that the coffee shop/bike store hybrid is looking to expand their liquor license to allow for drinking on their now-famous Divisadero Parklet. It turns out all the beers consumed out on the parklet were being consumed illegally, although I’ve never seen anyone (police or Mojo staff) actively discourage it.

Of course, this is all leading up to the real point here: Assuming all the paperwork goes through, and we have no reason to believe it won’t, the Mojo Parklet might become the only place in the city to drink on the actual street during the next Bay to Breakers. (Yeah, I know there’s also Ziryab’s patio, which is on the actual race route, but it doesn’t carry the distinction of you know – being on the street proper.) All we have to do is talk Remy into making fair trade vegan jello shots and we’ll be in business.

The damning evidence was capture on YouTube along with some footage of a sweet, old Chevy Nova (the signature vehicle of someone who doesn’t give a fuck about mpg or Pelicans). Strongarm Larry is at 35 seconds in, followed by some cringe-worthy “That’s assault!” smugness:

The victim of Larry’s rage: Jym, whose only crime is spelling his name like that, has filed assault charges against Armstrong and is “awaiting medical assessment of his hand injury” according to Hart.

So with all the pedestrian violence going down at the Arco, Hart is calling for a complete shut down of the gas station and that means this week’s protest needs more people. A lot more people. Like 30 people. Because that’s apparently how many protesters you need to get on the national news. And that’s where you come in, neighborhood reader, because the two key organizers Janel Somebody and Hart live in Berkeley (obvs) and Santa Cruz (duh) respectively and can only do so much grassroots organizing before their coworkers find out how much time they’ve been spending on Facebook*.

So if you want to get involved, you should email Joshua at: joshuanoahhart [at] gmail [dot] com. And spread the word amongst your internet acquaintances if you hate BP, or violent business owners, or cars in the bike lane, or just want to get on National televison, because who even knows what we’re protesting anymore. I thought this was about turning the Arco station into a sunny place to sip iced coffees and talk to sensible people about bicycles, but now we’re chaining ourselves up in front of the metaphorical bulldozer (which is actually a Prius trying to top off the tank).

AggressivePanhandler, unfortunately won’t have anyone in attendance as Pavement is totally playing in Berkeley that night, so I’m exempt from this because I have to answer my calling as a member of Generation Whatevs and make a pilgrimage to the Greek Theater. I’ll probably take BART, if you’re wondering. Send photos if you go! (To the protest, I mean.)

*(presumably!)

Source: A Facebook message from Joshua Hart to members of ARCO/BP Shut Down Party Group

After hearing the announcement on Wednesday that ING would be dropping their Bay to Breakers sponsorship, the fine Citizens for the Preservation of Bay2Breakers (Why do we always put a 2 in there? That’s stupid.) put together this data-filled press release/blog post detailing why Bay to Breakers (Or “B2B”, barf you please) will still be around after ING and AEG. The whole thing, in it’s bulleted entirety reads like a transcribed Power Point Presentation, but somewhere among the numbers that they pull from both cited sources and “educated guesses”, there are some salient points, as they say*:

First, there’s the implication that ING was butthurt that the San Francisco Employees’ Retirement System moved its portfolio to Great West Retirement Services by in January of 2009. Which actually seems like a possible factor. Mostly because of how banker types tend to be boring enough to take someone else’s business decision personally.

Some of the hard data in the press release makes a decent case for keeping hope alive (like the fact that the City actually recoups all it’s costs in setup, cleaning, etc), but there’s also some fuzzy math like comparing the 110,000 participants in the record-setting 1986 Bay to Breakers to the number of people re-elected Gavin’s Hair in 2007 (105,596, in case you were wondering). So, we should elect Bay to Breakers for Mayor? Is that what you’re saying?

Also, there’s some fun stuff in here! Like, did you know people from 49 out of 50 states participated in Bay to Breakers in 2008? Who says they don’t like San Francisco values in the middle of the country? (Which state do we think was holding out? And can we get a local news piece on that state’s representative to the 100-year anniversary race next year?)

Most importanly though, is the C4TPOB2B’s (official abbrev) call for generally more common sense, which…uh…makes sense because, while banning booze and floats would make sense for say – a tailgate parade in Lincoln, Nebraska – it doesn’t really make sense to kinda-sorta ban booze, but then allow it if it’s in a cup or a jello-shot or the cops are thirsty or it’s actually cocaine in a portapotty. What does make sense is more (yes, even more!) porta-potties along the course, more efficient 6-man urinal things that aren’t people’s doorsteps, and some more well-place barricades (like say, at Divis and Hayes) to keep people on track and near the Sani-Cans.

Although the Author of the press release (and the group’s Co-Chair) is named Conor, which is like the #1 sign that he might just be Frat guy in disguise trying to keep his right to drag a Prop Lifegaurd tower over Alamo Square. (Just kidding, Conor!)

*Business people say that, don’t they?

This morning, the Chronicle, SFAppeal, SFist and your friend who doesn’t even live in San Francisco all reported that ING has pulled out of their Bay to Breakers sponsorship. The reasons for halting the bankroll? Well, it’s all unofficial rumors, but apparently, “ING is fed up with all the bad publicity that the race has generated in recent years, especially the complaints of residents around the Panhandle and Alamo Square about revelers and runners urinating, defecating and generally behaving rudely.” [Emphasis mine, duh.]

OK, I don’t know of any reports of people defecating (except for maybe that piece of shit KKKatie left outside the porta-johns), but I don’t think I should have to remind anyone that Bay to Breakers has been going on in some form or another for 99 years. So even the smuggiest Victorian-restoring, fart-sniffer (Just kidding! No one in San Francisco likes the smell of restored Victorians!) must have known about the yearly power washing they were going to have to do when they moved in. Also, I’d like to point out there are multiple old-folks homes (technical term) within a block of the course on the other side of the hill in Hayes Valley, and you don’t hear any of them complaining. Or maybe they’re deaf. That’s also a possibility.

Now, I don’t mean to be dismissive of the concerns of my neighbors because, in fact, at least one person successfully put their penis in between the bars of the front gate to my building and that sucked. On the other hand, I think there’s another group we can all agree to hate on, and I don’t even mean hipsters! (The already problematic “hipster” label, gets even tougher to nail down when the #1 costume is “American Apparel Dumpster Dive Chic”) No, I’m talking about the floats. While I’m all for creativity in the form of a temporary vehicle, the majority of the floats I saw this year were little more than an invitation for one’s ladyfriends to dress up in grass skirts and lifeguard uniforms. These mediocre excuses to drag a PA system and thousands of jello shots through the city were generally led by guys in flip-flops hailing from Santa Clara, which explains why they had absolutely no problem pissing (and pooping, apparently?) all over the place.

So what am I getting at here? Mostly that San Francisco needs to start having a sense of humor about itself again. I was under the impression that we all live here because it affords us a certain freedom to act like total nutjobs every now and then. As much as I think Burning Man is kind of annoying, those whackos at least attempt to maintain a sense of community around their temporary nihilism. Maybe the rest of us could learn a thing or two from their ability to be their own ideal weirdo for a little while without infringing on a neighbor’s right to not have to deal with your bullshit.

Also, everyone stop peeing on people’s stoops. Geez.

[original photo via: SFCitizen]

It’s officially award season! That magical time of the year when everyone briefly cares about printed versions of the websites they sometimes go to. Last week we had SF Weekly’s Best of 2010, which we discussed, and now this week 7×7 Magazine has birthed their own little bundle of joy. Because you’re a busy person who doesn’t have time to read stuff, we’ve gone ahead and done our due diligence, as they say in the biz (no they don’t), and distilled the list down to the neighborhood spirit.

First of all, 7×7 doesn’t seem to have either the time or staff necessary to sit around coming up with quite as many incredibly specific categories at the Weekly, but they also didn’t bother with the boring generic ones that no one would ever agree on anyway (I’m looking at you “Best Bar” category). After that they’re not really left with much, so maybe that either means it’s a bigger honor for these neighborhood mentions, or multiple 7×7 staff members live in the neighborhood. Either way, here’s our haul:

Best Reasons to Skip the Gym: Heavy Metal Aerobics at Workshop. Noted for their used of sand-filled PBR cans as weights. [Shameless plug: Here's my writeup on Broke-Ass Stuart.]

Best Little Oasis – Mojo Bicycle Cafe. Duh, we’ve been saying this since the parklet opened back in March.

Best Music Festival – Outside Lands. The fact that 7×7 went with the most expensive festival all year, while the Weekly chose a free one says a lot about their target audience. (Also, let’s claim any music festival that disrupts service on the 5-Fulton.)

And in the Outer Panhandle we’ve got:

Best Lick – Three Twins in the Lower Haight wins for their Lemon Cookie ice cream.

Best Urban Renewal – Hayes Valley Farm at Hayes and Buchanan onramp

Best Read – Booksmith on Haight

Best Deal for Staying Smooth – Haight Street Nails, this one’s for the ladies, because they’re talking about waxing, duh.

So there you go, now you don’t have to feel bad about using your print copy as a makeshift umbrella this morning.

[Photo not indicative of anything except slimness, via 7x7: What's the Deal: Bastille]

Mike over at IBikeNoPa reports that another cyclist has been struck by a motorist in the neighborhood. This time it’s not at the Masonic and Fell intersection that’s been causing so many problems (mostly for drivers) lately. Instead the accident, reported by local Matthew Brill, occurred around 2:45pm on Sunday at Fulton st. and Arguello boulevard. From the sounds of Brill’s report, the rider was exiting Golden Gate Park crossing Fulton and the driver was making a left on to Fulton. Because Arguello in the park was blocked off for Sunday car-free days, the driver probably wasn’t expecting any traffic to come from that direction. (Although, this is all speculation on Brill’s part, he didn’t witness the accident personally.)

So what’s up with the rash of accidents lately? Are drivers getting worse? Are cyclists feeling a little too cocky in their bike lanes? We’re all for supporting cyclists around here, but if you take a second look at the locations where these accidents occurred, the problem seems to be where the bike paths (not bike lanes, mind you) intersect with bike-free traffic lanes. I dunno, I’m just spitballin’ here. Maybe I should just shut up and ride my backpack chairlift.

Graphic via: the internet

Most of the hate crime allegations come from the fact that she was spraying her terribly bland KKK tag all over the place, as well as swastikas on two Arab-owned business on Divis. (Although, to be fair, she did tag a Star of David on the Harding Theater, but it was next to someone else’s equally-boring “Alah” [sic?] tag so maybe she’s just an all-around contrarian bitchface.)

That last charge of dissuading a witness came after she sprayed the lengthy message you see above at last weekend’s Bay to Breakers. Per the Appeal, she “allegedly attempted to spray-paint an African-American man who tried to report the Bay to Breakers vandalism on Sunday and then allegedly made racial comments to him and threatened him with false claims of rape if he reported the incidents.” Yikes!

Look, I’m not one to debate street art vs. vandalism, but if you’re gonna go around trying to make a name for yourself using $15 worth of supplies from the hardware store, could you at least make it look kind of nice? Did you only have one can of paint? You probably shouldn’t be running with a nom de guerre that includes a commonly recognized abbreviation of your given name either. I know if I ever start calling myself a Rustoleum Wrangler, I’m gonna go by “ChChCharlie” and my tagline will be “Do not attempt to tag actual human beings.”