Here at Aggressive Panhandler, we occasionally have opinions about the issues around us. Which we were told in high school was a good thing, but really opinions are like farts: they all stink except yours (unless you’re in the shower, in which case – gross).
I’ve mentioned our neighbor Rob Anderson before because he was getting pretty loose with the pours of haterade when he heard the news about the Divisadero improvements, but as curmudgeons are wont to do he didn’t stop there. Of course he’s been quietly blogging along over at the District 5 Diary (DOT BLOGSPOT DOT COM) all year and like every good blogger (except me, I guess) he decided to do a year-end wrap up. But unlike every other person on the internet his 2009 Year-End Awards are all really mean!*
He lays out twenty-three (23!) categories, none of which speak very highly of their recipients. The Personal Reinvention of the Year Award, for example, went to former SF Bicycle Coalition executive director Dave Snyder because he was recently “anointed as a ‘transportation expert’ by city progressives.” This would seem like a nice gesture if Anderson didn’t end it with “even though he’s just a bike guy.” OK, Rob, you’re right we should leave all the urban planning to people who think bikes are for children because they know what’s best for everyone, even though they’re just car guys.
Anyhow, including Snyder’s award, 11 of the 23 mention the SF Bicycle Coalition or bikes and cyclists in general as ruining our city, so I wasn’t going to get too beat up about some old guy who’s happy to scoot about in his car. (Because as long as he’s in his car there’s no chance I’ll accidentally make him break his hip if he passes me on the sidewalk.) But he had to throw in a particularly infuriating last word by naming Patricia Decker and Steve Jones, two people who I’m almost positive he has never met, as “Bike Fetishists of the Year” because Decker (who you may recognize from her SF Panorama byline) decided to name her bike Mireille, and Jones put some Burning Man-style shit on his frame and handlebars. Seriously? I guess this means Rob has never hung so much as an air freshener from his rear-view mirror (because his farts smell so good).
*this may or may not be true, I’m not really sure if there’s a way to “search” the internet to find out what people write about. Maybe they should make a card catalog or something.