Jared Leto goes to Critical Mass, Simulates Critical Mass Frustration, is Massive Asshat.
by Andrew Dalton on December 8, 2009Sometimes here at Aggressive Panhandler, we review stuff just because we feel like it. Hopefully it’s at least tangentially related to neighborhood interests. In this episode we examine: a music video “inspired by” 30 Seconds to Mars’ new song “Kings and Queens”. The video has bikes in it, so there you go.
I must have felt like punishing myself for being too lame to attend the Yelp Holiday Party last night, because I don’t know why the hell else I would watch Last Call with Carson Daly. The fallen VeeJay’s first guest was that asshole from 30 Seconds to Mars (Jordan Catalano from My So Called Life if you’re feeling generous). Apparently that band is his #1 passion and his acting and endorsements come second. Anyhow, his their new video “turns the camera around” on to the the streets of LA, where apparently it’s the last Friday of the month* and also Yom Kippur because there’s some kind of Critical Mass going on and there’s no traffic.
Unfortunately, the record label disabled embedding, otherwise I’d just paste it here. (If you really need to see it, you’ll have to watch it on YouTube. Go ahead, I’ll wait…) You’re probably better off without it though because, not unlike Critical Mass in person, it robs a solid nine minutes of your life from you. That’s nine minutes you’re going to wish you had the next time you’re late catching the MUNI to work. And also like Critical Mass, it takes over a minute before you even see a bicycle, but you’re already stuck there, so there’s no point in getting off this bus metaphor.
For awhile, nothing really happens, so you’re blankly watching windswept shots of Leto cut between shots of kids doing wheelies. That is, until the 3:52 mark when a cyclist gets hit by a limousine. (Probably chauffeuring one of Leto’s exes, because that’s a metaphor for breakups!) You don’t even really feel that bad for the injured cyclist though. Mostly because he was wearing a gasmask and duh, those things have no peripheral vision. But also because he gets right back up after Jesus Leto spreads his arms and sings about angels.
Sing it, Leto!
Of course the most troubling part of this love song to San Fernando tweens is that it’s going to really hurt the authenticity debate that’s been surrounding bike culture lately. (And, like, culture in general. Woof.) Instead of getting all up in arms about it though, we as San Franciscans could just write it off as just another example of Hollywood hijacking a subculture in an attempt to look cool. I imagine a Craigslist call for “Alternative-looking bicycle riders needed for Music Video shoot” would be met with dozens (!) of sneering blog posts. On the bright side, before the gratuitous 2 and a half minutes of end credits, they all ride their bikes off the Santa Monica pier. Maybe we’ll be OK after all. Now excuse my while I go out and buy some cantilever brakes, mud flaps, and a shitload of more gears for my bike. I’ve got to stay relevant, after all.
*Is this when they do Critical Mass in LA? I have no fricken clue.
“The Man” in the limo just hit the peaceful, non-polluting biker. I see what they did there.
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He got hit because he just cranked out into the road like all these brake-less pseudo hip clowns. Aggressive roller-blading has now become fixie pixie.
if i was in that limo i would’ve floored it and destroyed that nerd
single speeds are for BMX !
and unless your name is Troy Mcmurray you need brakes asshole.
I like bikes, fires, and hot girls on fixies.
I laughed out loud at your commentary. Awesome!
@sinctysocialite
@lauralie_lee
if nothing else, the link to Jared’s “endorsements” made me laugh outloud. I had the biggest crush on him when I was younger – a torn out page from YM magazine was inserted under the clear plastic of my sixth grade binder.
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Hello,Fantastic blogging dude! i am just Fed up with using RSS feeds and do you use twitter?so i can follow you there:D.
PS:Do you thought to be putting video to this web site to keep the visitors more interested?I think it works.Sincerely, Renita Isgur
Why yes, we can be found on twitter under the username: @aggropa