Aggressive Mastication: Burger Porn at Acme Burgerhaus

by Derek Bradley on October 26, 2009

Getty ImagesWhat’s that? A new burger place opened up on Divisadero? That’s right, Acme Burgerhaus (sans umlaut) has aptly positioned itself right between Jay’s and Popeye’s. So of course we had to check this out.

The first thing you’ll notice is their hyper simple menu: it’s a short list of burger choices, so you get to pick your meat and customize from there. Hamburger, Cheeseburger, Buffalo burger, etc. For some unknown reason (maybe I’ve spent too much time in the South or something) I found the buffalo burger to be a kind of an ambiguous option. I mean, what is it? Does it involve spicy buffalo sauce? Is there chicken in the mix? What is it?! Oh wait, I get it, it’s just buffalo meat. That makes sense. Please excuse the Southerner in exile over here asking, “so, what’s on this buffalo burger?” Seriously though, they could do the unthinkable and put a fucking simple one line description for each menu item. Just sayin’. [Note: To be fair, I made the same mistake, but then I also stared at the menu for about 3 minutes trying to figure out why anyone would want Tuna as a burger topping before I realized that was the salad menu. -Ed.]

Anyway, after the awkward ordering is done here’s what I’ve got on the bill: 1 Buffalo burger and 1 Sierra Nevada = $10. Not bad. Although now I have to actually hangout here and wait for my food. It’s a no frills kind of place, but I’m not certain it’s going for that. I mean, I wouldn’t exactly say the place has atmosphere, but they’re at least trying to keep it interesting (and local) with the large black and white photographs from the Outside Lands music festival shot by Charlie Homo. May we aggressively suggest something though? Take a lesson from Bean Bag Cafe down the street and make the place warm and comfortable. You’ve already got the beers that are slightly south of $2 a la Bean Bag, you just need to make it a place where we can hangout for a few hours.

Overall, the food was good, but I have a bone to pick about the do-it-yourself condiment bar. Give me some options! Seriously, I have a better selection in the door of my refrigerator. I guess I can appreciate the idea here, who doesn’t like customization? But either give me some more options (house made mustards, ketchups, mayos/aiolis, relishes, whatever) or let’s leave the fixins up to the chef.

Our Aggressive feedback: We’re happy to have a new burger flippin’ business in the neighborhood. Especially one with cheap beers and that’s open until 3AM on the weekends. We’re just asking you to bring something new to the table (and not those huge ass Heinz ketchups bottles. Seriously, where did you guys get those? Costco? They make family-sized look like a little packet).

Derek Bradley is a designer and contributor to AggressivePanhandler and he’d still be ironically reviewing bus lines and hot dog carts on Yelp if it weren’t for this scrappy little blog.


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